Working with kids you learn so much about yourself, life, love and sin! I love the quote by John Rosemond in Parenting by The Book. He says, "No matter how good a parent you are, your child is still capable on any given day of doing something despicable, disgusting, or depraved."
One of the most important lessons that I have learned and am still learning is that I AM THE ADULT!!! I have to tell myself this a lot. Some days this is just implied within myself and some days I have to repeat it over and over to myself.
When we first became house parents, we were having a lot of trouble with this one girl. One afternoon we took her to our bosses office to talk about her behavior in the cottage and at school. When we were leaving, my boss (a woman I respect tremendously when it comes to child care) said to me, "Tracy, you're the adult, don't let her run over you." And almost 5 years later I am still repeating this to myself.
Most of the time this comes in little decisions of the day. "Can we go outside?" Who doesn't want to say no to that, kids outside playing, not watching tv or playing video games!? But sometimes this question comes after we have been out with the boys all day, the laundry and dishes still aren't done and we are tired, so at these times I have to remind myself that I am the adult, we all need resting time and that I can say no. Another example is food - it seems like we eat the same meals all the time and we definitely want the boys to like what they eat, but then I remind myself that I am the adult and I have to add veggies that they don't like (and I don't like) and that it is important for them to try new foods, so I add them to the menus!!!
The most memorable revelation of I am the adult came as I was wagging my finger at a 7 year old. We were talking about his behavior; well, we were supposed to be, when he got me off task by making a comment about something I did. Now, working with the girls, we were definitely prepared for them saying something to get you off task, but seeing how skilled a 7 year old can be at it is SUPER frightening. I stopped in the middle of my sentence defending myself, realized I was defending my actions to a 7 year old and just left the room feeling ridiculous. And, of course, learning from that our go-to answer for a question devised to get us off task has become "What does that have to do with your behavior?"
I think we all know that working with kids (or people) we are going to make mistakes and we all know it's important to model asking forgiveness because we do things wrong. However, we teach the kids we work with that they are responsible to make the right choice no matter if we or anyone else makes a wrong choice. And then you have to process what the right choice is. For example, if I raise my voice to you and you don't like it because you think I'm yelling at you, is it the right thing for you to start cussing at me?? You know, those kinds of talks!!
I think this is one of the many reasons why parenthood is so hard and so important - it is not only physically taxing, but mentally exhausting - you always have to be on the look out for that sin nature!!
